"How to Leave A Message Board"

Now, there comes a time in everyone's life when they feel that they must take a hiatus from their favorite message board community. There are three ways to go about this:

1. Leave like a ninja

2. Leave like a 1950's businessman

3. Leave like a diva

Let me explain a little more so that when the time comes for you, you will be able to decide with all confidence how to leave your community.

The first and most preferable way is to leave like a ninja. There is no hint, no foreshadowing, and no trail. You leave as you came, suddenly and swiftly. If you plan your hiatus to be for any lengthy duration, you may find that you become something of a legend in your absence. Everyone will talk about you, and when you do come back, you will be proclaimed the best thing to enter the boards since the edit feature.

If however, you feel that a little notice is necessary for your message board chums, you may want to select this second option: leaving like a 1950's businessman. This tactic is best employed if you do not want too much drama surrounding your leave, and if you are not leaving under circumstances of drama. Clearly and succinctly state your reason for leaving: you are taking the family on a two week vacation to the Alps, the missus is expecting another gee golly offspring and you must attend her, or the boss is cracking a whip at work and you must dutifully put in some over time. You will be greeted in the same manner as you left: with a friendly hello and a handshake.

But for those who feel that they should go out with a bang, or are leaving on the heels of (real or perceived) drama, they might very well go out like a diva. The post can be long and raving, or short. Either way, you must make at least one person feel like utter garbage on your way out. The blame for your absence must never be solely on you: perhaps you need a mental health break because of the utterly strict moderators. Or perhaps you feel it is best to let the air cool because someone obviously wants you dead. The more pizazz you give it, the better. As is befitting your station in life, you will receive lots of well-wishes and pleas not to leave. But alas, you must leave, or else you will have caused drama for no reason. This method is also referred to as a "hair flip". To a diva, you are simply making yourself look very good on the way out.

Whatever path you choose, I trust you will make the goodbye that most suits your style. Play your cards well, and you will surely be rewarded upon your return. But leave too frequently and cause an uproar each time, and you may risk general boredom in the community. After all, no one likes a member who threatens to take their ball and go home every time there is a bit of a stir. Remember that a community is made up of lots of different personalities, and that from time to time, someone may say something that they don't mean, or it may come across in a manner which you misinterpret. Do choose your moments to leave wisely.

Thank you, and have a wonderful day!