I haven't written, because I've had a LOT of words, and I keep hitting delete. I just can't compose them the way I want to. So...I'll just boil it "cryptically" down to this.
I don't expect you to understand, let alone support all of this. This all has stretched us, and I don't expect anyone else to get it. It's not a slam, but Karen couldn't have me go take a business test for her. I may vaguely get it, but I don't understand it enough to take a test on it. But don't think that I don't pick up on snide remarks, and don't think that I don't hear about how you think we're thoughtless, foolish, downright wrong. I'm sorry you feel that way ... but I'm not ignorant. It doesn't hurt exactly, but it can't help but affect how I react.
My fear, is that if Matt gets the job and if I stay behind for the duration of the lease, that I lose my right to ever show vulnerability...that it would just serve as fodder for your belief that we're "foolish". So I would be stoic, or I would cut myself off from everyone to avoid this. I don't think anyone would really want that, nor do I think it's healthy.
So ... Sorry for the lack of real content, but that's all I can do right now.
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3 comments:
~hugs~
Wish I had words of wisdom to share, but I tend to run short on wisdom.
i second krista's "~hugs~"!!
the content of your post seems quite real, and certainly the pain is apparent, even tho unclear to most of us. it's your blog sis, and so all we can do is say, we're here, we love you, and we hope you don't actually cut yourself off from everyone!
oh dur, sorry, just saw again the part where you say you don't actually agree with cutting yourself off.
well, i know most of us see you guys are pursuing God's will in everything, so i hope that reality continues to sharpen your walk, not anyone else's opinions, real or perceived.
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