The things I wanted to say

Honestly, I should just go to bed right now, but hey. I need a 'quick' little release here.

So, you "all" know. Matt has an interview with Liberty University in a couple of weeks. This could, and I believe likely will mean big changes for us. I'm excited and scared and, yes, I feel a little guilty. The thing is, we didn't really plan it...this wasn't really a deliberate act on our part, something we sought out. The doors just began opening, one after another, and it's impossible to deny something bigger than ourselves here.

I'll explain it all in the next bit of time. I don't have the words or the energy to do it justice tonight, and I think this is a story that needs to be told right or not at all.

But, I wish you all understood what a toll "the phoenix experience" has taken on Matt. If you did, I think you would get why this would be so amazing for him. It is a huge sacrifice, one we have talked over for months. We don't really want to uproot everything and leave everyone for the virtual unknown. But, if you saw what I do, and saw just how different Matt is just because he's so tired and worn out all the time ... On a good day, I've got 4 good hours with him, where he's not tired and irritable. But those aren't too often, and I can't predict them, so it's impossible to really plan to do anything fun, because half of the time, he'll be tired and miserable by the time whatever we planned rolls around. He doesn't do anything that he would like to do, because he's too tired. He is so short on "free" time where he is pleasant and coherent that he feels like he needs to make each moment count. The 10 different things he "wants" to do, plus a handful more that he would like to start, things he should finish, things he needs to do, and then wanting to spend time with me. It is just so much of a burden on him, and I'm powerless to fix it.

Again ... I'll explain it in full at some point. This isn't something I imagined doing, let alone doing again so soon. I've lived out of boxes, changing bedrooms every six months for over two years now. Knowing that I might now have at least another year of boxes and being unsettled? Not the prettiest prospect. I wanted to be done when I moved out here.

But for now, a much over due sleep.