Fail.

I don't know how observant you are, but one of my "labels" on my posts is 'anxiety'. I've wrestled with anxiety at least since 17, though I don't think I really understood until later. Knowing about MVP has helped tie things together, understanding how they can feed into one another. I've debated going and getting medication for it a few different times, but I'm determined to exhaust other resources before that. (Besides, there's something funny about having crippling anxiety over going to the doctor to get anxiety medicine...)

Fairly recently, I've started looking into actual resources...a bit of a lengthy process, since I am not a fan of self-help books and am leery about some things at best. But! I've found two books that have been a big help. The first, is Telling Yourself The Truth, which I appreciated because it brought to my attention just how often we lie to ourselves. Everything from "I deserve to be miserable" to "I am completely indispensable" to "I can't do anything about this..." and the more common "I am worthless/stupid" - there are these things ingrained into our minds that become habit. Often, we don't even think about them. What was especially encouraging about it for me, is that it addresses things from a Christian perspective...specifically the section on being indispensable - it's good to do things for Christ, but you are not called to run yourself ragged. If God wants something done, He WILL find a way, so the "fate of the world" isn't squarely on you. At any rate, I'm sure there are lies you tell yourself that you aren't even aware of. At the risk of promoting self-help books ... this one was helpful. It opened my eyes to changing the way that I think as a way to helping with the anxiety.

The book I'm really excited about though, is this one. The Cognitive Behavioral Workbook for Anxiety I appreciate this one because it is specifically on anxiety. Also, it's a workbook, and forces you to sit down and think and write as you're going along with it. I'm only on chapter four or something absurd, and the book is phenomenal. It really wants you to understand your anxiety, and gives you a variety of ways to deconstruct things and make them not so overwhelming, and preventative measures. It doesn't baby talk you through things, it's clear that you have to put in the work, that these are just tools. Awesome book. You'll probably hear more about it over the next few days.

I find it weird to talk about anxiety. I don't want to give the impression that I'm in a bad state to where I'm holed up in the corner, afraid of the world. It's actually the opposite. I'm to the point where I'm feeling so good about things, that I'm ready to headbutt the places where I know anxiety is holding me back. It's one of those "cusp of awesomeness" things. ;)