An Emo Moment

So, long story short: Comcast guy walks by. Moments later, we have neither tv nor internet. I figure maybe he's installing someone else and had to reboot things or something. Comcast guy leaves, and our service does not come back. I spend the next hour panicing that maybe for SOME reason our payment didn't go through and I never noticed. (Logically I knew otherwise, but logic had flown the coop) So Matt calls Comcast, who tells him that it's our modem. Even though our tv doesn't work. Yeeeeeah. So the next day, we call back. Thankfully, we got someone intelligent who sent a guy out. Took the guy ten seconds to plug it back in, and HE admitted that the other guy must have just pulled the wrong wire. I'm not sure how these things work, but I'm sincerely hoping that there's no addition to our bill for something their employee messed up. At any rate, internet...:hugs:

Emo moment...because I'm entitled to worry and fret here and there.
I'm at a point where I'm having a hard time not beating myself up for past decisions. Like moving out here when I did. Because in moving out here, I gave up my job, thinking I could find another...and didn't. So, a girl with limited education and limited experience, after 4 years ... I'm essentially un-hire able. Utterly so when you factor in the dismal economy.

So, husband makes way (I'm talking at minimum 10k) less than he should, because of Asinine company. (Quote from his boss: It's always good to make less, because then you'll always want more!) Very glad that boy has *A* job, yes, and that we can make our ends meet. Not so glad that my car is somewhere about 110 in car years and is hemorrhaging fluids and is creaky and headed towards decay. I had a dream today ... of taking my car for an oil change and not cry beforehand with anxiety over what they would tell me needs fixing.

But between my heart that hates charging people money for things like wedding photography, and my complete inability to get an actual job, I have no way of contributing anything...and we simply don't make enough to pull a car payment out, too. And yet, as pressing an issue is that I feel, at the grand age of 23, that I've wasted my potential.

So I'm just very ... very frustrated. Don't get me wrong. Very happy with life, love my family, love my friends. I DO stuff, and it's great, I just ... Sometimes, I feel like none of it matters an ounce. This is one of those days.