We got a letter from our compassion child, Sarata today. I was tickled because I wasn't expecting a letter so soon. It makes the whole thing more real - that little child isn't just a picture. She's got parents who "thank you so much!" and lives in a village that is even harder to spell than my last name. She's in school now, and that's exciting too.
Matt and I have talked back and forth on having kids. It's a definite "no" for right now, with "ever" being a big question mark. (I think he would say no not ever, but I haven't decided if I would regret that decision in 20 years) I know that there's no such thing as "perfect" timing, but we really feel like we want to have our acts together before we even consider kids. Plus, we both really love our animals, and people are weird about that. It's like, once you have kids, you're not supposed to love your animals as much. They assume we'd declaw the cat, because you surely can't have a cat with claws around a kid...and that's just where the weird stuff begins. The more time passes, the more I start to feel like maybe we're just not supposed to have kids. I feel like we've got a lot of potential, a lot of things we're meant to do, and kids don't really fit in with that. People are weird when you say stuff like that too. They take it like you think kids are an abomination and we hate them. That's not true. Kids are absolutely a blessing and I like kids. I'm just not sure that everyone needs to be parents, and I can see us fitting in on the "not needing kids" scale.
Plus, there are SO many kids out there...poor, in crappy homes, abused, unwanted, etc. Bringing another kid into the world just seems weird when there are so many here that need to be taken care of.
Just some...thoughts.
I would like to say though, that ever since I've started approaching my thoughts of winter as "a necessary season so that spring can happen and things can grow again", my anxiety over snow has lifted quite a bit. It seems a whole lot less sinister, somehow. I also bought a plant that I'm going to try and grow. Don't ask me the rationale behind it...but something about the thought of maintaining a plant or two in the middle of winter makes me think more optimistically...like this must end, see?
...This is one of those nights where I feel like an odd odd person. :)
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2 comments:
No one expects you to love your animals less. I think what it really expresses is the fact that people with kids have experienced something you can't quite comprehend until you hold your newborn in your arms for the first time. You expect to love your baby. You don't expect just how much.
It's really indescribable. I remember trying to prepare my sister-in-law for the overwhelming emotion and she pretty much told me I was full of BS. Then she had the baby. The first she thing she said to me when I walked into her hospital rooms was "You were right. I had no idea."
wow, that reminds me of sermon i just heard about life through death... oh wait a minute... ;)
go preacha grrl!
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