Bummed.

I'm just kinda bummy/mellow tonight. Not to be confused with content mellow. It's this lingering sadness in the back of my heart, and it makes no sense. I don't have any reason to be sad. Maybe I do. I don't know.

I just wish I knew what the next couple years looked like for us, whether it included moving soon or not. Don't get me wrong, I'm not in a rush...I just would like to know. As much as I'd like to be with my family, overall, I'm happy. But some days, like today, knowing where we're headed would be helpful.

Matt's buddy/boss/other guy in his department came up with some idea that involves the two of them putting in 6 hours on 2 separate Saturdays a month in exchange for 1 half-day Friday once a month. You know how protective I am of my time with Matt, how periodically we have to make decisions in order to carve back some of our time, stuff like that. Some marriages have trouble with money, I think our Achilles heel is time. (Though that's not to say that we fight over it. We don't.) So, I work at the PPC two Saturdays. Either we would have two Saturdays where ALL we did was give away our time, or we would have something going on every Saturday. Saturdays are already *THE* day we get to see friends, the day we end up needing to do car maintenance, the day we're most likely to do things, etc.

The thing is, I don't see how this extra time will fix any of the problems that Matt tells me about. I won't bother with those details, but mark my words, they'll only end up MORE frustrated. But I can't very well tell Matt to say no, because if the other guy's wife is okay with it, and they have two young children, how can I possibly say no?

Matt says if we're going to stay in-state for a while, he'd like to look for another job. I think that scares me more than moving. At least I know that Asinine, INC isn't going anywhere for a while. I'm not sure the company will exist in 10 or 20 years without gross intervention, but it's stable. Even if he COULD find a company, how do I know how viable that company is? This is Michigan, and I hardly trust the ground I'm standing on not to cave in.

We also officially 'turned in the keys' at the church we've been at for the past 3 years. It's actually wrapping up on the best possible note: the church's new vision involves focusing on children and training leaders to work with kids. We'll just say that kids aren't in my vision, that's for sure. I look forward to finding a place where we can rest for a little while, but still be in touch with the church.

Also, my heart hasn't felt very good this week. I've been mindful of my caffeine, sleep and sugar, but it's taken a lot of my gusto out. I think I remember that too much sodium is also bad, which I should have kept in mind before I ate the expired ramen noodles.

It's just ... a lot on my mind right now, I guess. I wonder if I can roughly remember ...
Beses sus cuiados adios.