Oh, what a night.

Last night before bed, I decided that I would try and get up "early" this morning. I've discovered (the hard way) that if I don't just get up and go to curves first thing, that things get in the way. Either I run into unforeseen complications, or something small happens that just sends my anxiety skyward and I just don't get there. It's kinda sad, but at least I'm owning up to it and trying to work it out. Since I had to be in Hadley by around 10am, I decided I should aim to leave around 8:50.

Over the past year, since my anxiety has gotten notably worse, I've made it a policy that if there's something stressful/annoying/I need to do, that I'm NOT allowed to ponder it in bed. Bed is for sleeping, if I need to think about something, bed is not the place to do it. It's worked pretty well for me, in that, I don't lie awake freaking out about things that I can't do anything about right then. But last night, before I could shut my brain up, it went into overdrive. Poor Matt - I hope he doesn't hold it against me that I chose the night he was really tired, 11:30 at night, to lay there and have a panic attack. The best he could really muster was "you can't control those things, so let it go" which I felt was really dismissive at the time. Correct, but dismissive. But he was half asleep at the time, so I'm probably lucky that I got anything coherent. Mercifully, a little after 12, my brain had a cramp just long enough for me to fall asleep.

Now, I need to interject here, that I've been working hard on potty training Mikenna. For a dog that is closing in on five years old, I know this is a weird statement to make. I guess it's almost more accurate to say that I'm trying to prevent her from "finding a pee spot" and making it habitual. For the most part, she's pretty good, but she likes to sneak off and go to the bathroom in the middle of the night. Bugger won't just ask to go potty. So I've essentially turned her into my teddy bear at night. She gets hugged whether she likes it or not, so, I feel it if she moves.

So, I feel her stir last night, and I keep fighting her, telling her to just lay back down, sleepily ignoring the fact that she was licking her chops like crazy. Finally I let her get down, and I watch as she immediately sits down and *hurk hurk*. I suck at sports and I'm terribly uncoordinated - EXCEPT for when the dog starts puking. I can run, jump, and dodge things, all with a puking dog in my hands, in order to get her to tile before she pukes. It's not exactly the kind of entertainment I'd invite friends over for, but I imagine that I move pretty quickly. So she hurks bile up, I clean it up, and then took her out, since she'd been a bugger and refused to pee before bed. She pees, I bring her back in, and she wanted to go sit by the doorwall. Well, poor baby had just gotten sick, so I figure, alright, whatever makes her happy.

Five minutes later, I smell the rankness that only comes from my dog's butt. So I jump up, and start looking for the poop, and finally I hear Matt mutter "bedroom" ... heh. I was annoyed but not terribly angry about it, since I know that she really doesn't feel good when she pukes up bile. At this point it's about 4:30. I huggle up with Mikenna, and then .... zuuuuuuuuuurp phew. zuuuuuuuuuuurp phew. zuuuuuuuuuurp phew. Snoring. I really felt sorry for Matt, since he gets up around 5:20, and didn't want to punch him to get him to stop, but ohmygosh. The alarm goes off right after I'd fallen back asleep, and Matt proceeds to tell me about a bad dream he had. I don't mind that, because I do it to him too, but it was just the timing of it. :) I listened as sympathetically as I could. Mikenna got restless around 5:40, and I kept trying to huggle her, though I'm not sure what the point was, since her bladder and colon were empty by this point. Finally, I let her go, and five minutes later I hear *hurk. hurk. hurk* ... you're kidding me.

So needless to say, after being awake more or less from 4 - 6:30, I wasn't quite enthusiastic enough to pry myself out of bed and make it to curves before bible study. BUT! I did make it there around noon. I almost drove home, since I'm not a big fan of going 11-1, because that's their "busy time", but I knew darn well that I wouldn't want to drive home, eat, drive back out at 2:30, drive home, drive out that way again for small group. So, yay me.

And now, I'm off to be somewhat responsible again before taking a break to curl up in bed with my ds and play some pokemon...and take a nap.