So, a friend's mom came up to me this weekend and announced that I had been "tagged" or "pegged" or "picked" or something. I smiled politely, though was very confused. She went on to explain that apparently no one wanted to be the first person in our group to have kids, so everyone thinks I'm going to be the one. Now, I happen to like this mom, so I'm certainly not angry with her, but that really caught me off guard.
For one thing, the decision to have kids is an intensely personal thing. Once you decide to have kids, that's it - your life is completely altered forever. There are some things you can change your mind on. Kids? Not so much. Plus, there are a myriad of potential complications in pregnancy/fertility. Some people have a lot of trouble conceiving, others have a difficult time staying pregnant, and every once in a while, there's a terrible complication that causes a couple to lose a baby further into the pregnancy. So from my point of view, who is anyone to make light and bets of such a serious thing?
Second of all, the longer Matt and I are married, the more we're thinking that we don't want kids. It's not that we don't like kids, but neither of us feels compelled to have our own. Now, we don't typically go announcing this for no reason - partially because it's no one's business, and partially because if we ever DO change our minds in the future, it would be really awkward. "Hey, I'm pregnant!" "Uh, didn't you not want kids?" "Oh! We changed our minds!" "Yeah, suuuuuure."
So I'm not really sure what the context of me being chosen to bear the first child for the group of friends is ... whether they actually think that, or if, by some clever twist, they told their mom this because they're trying to take the pressure off of themselves.
But since it's in the air, hey, let's set a few things straight:
1. I'm not going to have kids until I'm sure I want one. This may mean that I never end up having kids. None of my dreams for the future involve having kids. That said, I'd love to borrow yours periodically, spoil them, and send them back to you. I love kids ... But I love kids in moderation. Much like chocolate cake.
2. I don't mind if you ask me about kids, whether I want them, my thought process, stuff like that. But, as Kelly Osborne once put it:
"My teeth, my car, my vagina, my business"
Lastly...If you want kids, have them. But if you don't want kids, that's fine too. There's no reason everyone in the world MUST have kids. I think if people realized this, there would be fewer really bad parents out there.
Are we all on the same page? Good. Now scoot along people, go camp out someone else's uterus.
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3 comments:
LOL! Crazy that this came up after our little conversation! I don't know why people think that just because you're married that you want children! It's frustrating to commit yourself to someone else and immediately have people say "So, when are you having kids?"
My cousin asked me when I was going to start having kids and I said to him "my uterus is not up for discussion!"
There's nothing wrong with deciding not to have kids. That being said, the reality is that if that's what you and Matt choose for yourselves, you should expect disappointment from friends and family members. Not that you should burden yourself with their expectations! Absolutely not!
But I think it's safe to say most parents want to become grandparents. And sisters and brothers look forward to becoming aunts and uncles. It's how we're socialized, what we're told is "normal" and "expected".
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